Video from 9th NatGLC National Grazing Conference https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-O6PVHVBT0&t=59s
Most mornings my eyes open at 3am, not because I have farm chores, but because there is some subconscious grief that honors my brother’s death and the call time nobody wants to get at that hour. Then my mind takes over and creates tormenting, endless tasks of work and guilt trips until I’m exhausted from being in bed. It’s a freight train, I can’t get off of.
It’s especially poignant around holidays, birthdays and trigger points out in the landscape of life. This internal, mental struggle is also shared on the daily by thousands of regular people, and farmers and ranchers in silence. How do I know this? Try giving a talk on mental health at a farming conference and seeing all the tears flow initiated by your words. It’s a clear reminder, rural folks need help too, and that help is just a conversation away. But are we having that talk?
Back in 2018 at the Vermont Grazing and Livestock Conference, farmer Brian Maloney and I shared our stories of burnout, grief and coping mechanisms with a few brave attendees. Most of my peers walked passed us destined for a production-oriented session and away from the public stigma and vulnerability of needing help. Who could blame them. Imagine the whispers and judgment from attending and maybe showing emotion?
A few weeks back, I packed my emotional baggage and real stories from the field over the past 6 short years and tried it again in front of a national grazing audience. The few had grown to over 50 brave souls this time. As I described the realities of covering rural mental issues and tragedies for the newspaper in my freelance writer role, being a set of ears as a service provider, openly discussing farmer burn-out on John Suscovich’s Farm Marketing Podcast (https://farmmarketingsolutions.com/) and breaking down over my own crushing vulnerabilities, I saw, through my blurry eyes—–A connection.
The connection embodied the notion that, “We all need help sometimes, we’re not crazy and we’re here to listen”. Many talked about how just one phone call asking, “Are you okay?”, was the turning point for recovery or getting through that day. Folks shared how important it is to take care of one of your own from a country context, work with our rural organizations, like (NYfarmnet.org) in my case, or seek mental health professionals from all therapy genres that work specifically for one’s needs. As I’ve found, it might take some time to find the right therapy fit or regime, and that’s okay.
I learned after my presentation, we (mostly men) don’t talk about our struggles or cover it up with crazy work schedules, alcohol and drug vices to cope. Repeatedly, I heard “Without the farm or ranch, I have no identity”. The fear of letting others down is so traumatic, it’s paralyzing.
Again, whether its financial, family or weather issues, we keep our emotions buried inside and save face until it may be too late. The struggle to ask for help is real.
Another real concern is most regular folks, like myself, are not equipped or trained to protect their own mental health in the face of hearing such difficult things, don’t really know what to say that might be helpful, and don’t know what resources are available to help the person in the long run. It’s why I have attended several mental health training sessions when offered to be better prepared for such events or being an advocate for practical advise. I didn’t know, what I didn’t know. My peers suggested these resources: https://www.nami.org/ and https://www.ruralminds.org/ as a first step.
The silver lining of me putting myself in this uncomfortable position of presenting my story was the olive branch extended to me from other farmer and ranchers in sharing their intimate stories and successful strategies to overcoming significant mental health obstacles or to just feel better. Most notably were Ryan Sexton of Nebraska and Dave Voth from Nevada who visited with me after my emotional plea to discuss mental health out in the open.
These gentleman have peeled back their layers and shared their story in the public space of YouTube. You better have a Kleenex at the ready in the comfort of your own home when watching. Although incredibly moving and even tragic, they echoed the sentiment of getting help or being the person who would be the listener or check-in person. They broke down the cloak of darkness by inspiring all of us in agriculture to adopt, “Help is just a conversation away”.
As brothers from across the country, we agreed this message is too important not to share, even though ya don’t talk about mental health at farming conferences.
If you feel passionate about this subject please watch Ryan’s story at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM2h9oxVbVE&list=PLUyfKfQ1oiXdMw98viMETx8DdH8WkHipl&index=19
Dave Voth’s discussion on the The Profitable Ag Steward page is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE6sWrqSmJg&t=3779s
Thank you,
Grass Whisperer
I’m working for NatGLC in the Northeast
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